The Black and Blue Report
As this blog bleeds out of me as we near the midnight hour on what will become the last day of June, we’re just nine days away from the Lions first preseason game. The team is looking sharper. The defense—hard-hitting and often ill-tempered—runs 11 strong (plus depth). The offense is smoothing out its run and pass game. And the special teams, well who can tell yet? That’s probably a good question for the player/coach Brian Schremp, a 12-year veteran who seems surly, yet fair.
I wish I had better news to report on my aging body. On Tuesday, I finally took my first hit. Carl of all players (the QB I’d previously bought a fruit smoothie for) swapped out for some defensive reps and tattooed a bruise on the back of my ribs. Worst of all, the pass sailed through my hands and landed as a harmless incompletion. Later, as a substitute body to give the kickoff team some work, I fielded a dreadfully short kick and was greeted unpleasantly by three or four fellows. In a helmet to helmet crash, mine lost, leaving my head and losing a piece of the plastic. And to think one of the comment-makers here warned me to strap that thing on tight. I did manage a couple of tackles as we kicked off to the receiving squad as I jumped on the backs of two fast guys running by me. Thankfully, neither of them carried me any measurable distance.
Have you ever sat down at a piano, hoping that suddenly you’ll be able to play Bach or Beethoven as if you’ve been playing all your life? I guess I had somehow hoped for a similar idiot savant response to organized football after a 27-year hiatus. But these guys do really hit a lot harder than those seventh and eighth grade CYO kids. Within the Tuesday mix, I managed to sprain a right ankle, effectively ruining me for Thursday. I’m literally hurting from my foot through my neck (though the latter injury may have come from an awkward drunken sleep on my couch). As I left practice on Thursday I told a linebacker who bleeds from the forehead that he may have broken my wrist as I came across the middle. That’ll show him. If you can’t hurt him, hurt his feelings.
Tune in next Friday for a pre-game report on the hopes and fears for the Lions season. And hopefully, not just mine. Until then, this is the old tight end doing one final spell check, and limping for home.
If you can’t hurt them, hurt their feelings. . . Brilliant. I wish that I had thought of that after recently being damaged in a local adult-soccer league. Looking forward to each writing. -DT
Comment by Dave T — June 30, 2006 @ 10:33 am
Be careful for what you wish for. You wanted to get that first hard hit. I’ve got a few 8th grade CYO kids who would love to take a shot at you. Loved the ending with the spin on the Joe Nuxall quote.
Comment by Bobby — June 30, 2006 @ 1:52 pm
Dear Bill “Ditka” M: Good luck on keeping your body in one piece. You’re nuts to be doing this, but I must admit, there’s a little infatuation I have for us “old rookies” to be competing against guys in their 20’s and 30’s. Although my passion is hoops, you’re at greater risk for bodily harm!! Good luck!
Comment by Glenn G — June 30, 2006 @ 3:03 pm
I hated the piano! Loved playing football…30 yrs ago! Much respect though I still think you’re nuts. Go get em’ lion heart.
Comment by Ed Rodgers — July 3, 2006 @ 7:22 pm
Enjoying the articles… so very funny. I also loved the “if you can’t hurt them, hurt their feelings” comment. Can’t imagine how sore you are. I’m sore just from tripping over a hose while running this morning!!! My pride took the biggest bruising. Be safe….
Comment by Kathleen — July 25, 2006 @ 3:49 am