Marky Mark: Mediocrity in Slow Motion
Seeking any inspiration beyond anabolic steroids, I went to the opening of “Invincible” last night. I had heard it was Mark Wahlberg’s best work since the Funky Bunch, and the true story of a bartender turned special teamer for the Philadelphia Eagles in some ways mirrors my own little foray into football. But the film fizzled on the big screen.
An estimated running time of one hour and forty some minutes turned into two hours with all the slow-motion running scenes. Wahlberg is a bit of a low-key actor, making Kevin Costner look like Chris Farley (before he died). The music is pretty good with some 1970s classics from Jim Croce, Rod Stewart, Grand Funk Railroad, the James Gang, and muy mas.
I thought I noticed a bit of sexual tension in one scene where Coach Dick Vermeil, played by Greg Kinnear who didn’t even shed a God damn tear (how realistic is that?), saw Vince (Marky Mark) shirtless, wrapping his own ribs. What a treat for the audience to get a taste of some serious Dick on Dirk Diggler Boogie Nights action. But not in this Disney flick.
“Invincible” inspirational? Not really. I didn’t get too jazzed about the real-life Rocky running through the Philadelphia streets. “Predictable” might have been a better title. Or “A Pretty Cool Long Music Video.” But what’s it all mean to me? After all, I’m the egocentric blogger. I don’t think it will help my game much. I bet Marky Mark never thought a nervous yawn might be the onset of chronic fatigue syndrome as he lined up on the kickoff team. I bet the real-life Vince Papale never rooted for the clock to simply wind itself down in a game. And I don’t know if either of them would pace themselves through the Tuesday and Thursday practices as much as I do.
The Lions head to Lake County, Illinois, tonight to take on the Chiefs. In a cruel twist of fate for a clock watcher, I even gain an extra hour on the way there. What to do with that time? Oh yeah, fill it full of dread. I’ll lose it on the way back. To busy my mind, I’ll construct a top 10 football movie list. “Invincible” doesn’t make that team. To get the ball rolling, here’s one off the top of my head. Commentators, feel free to weigh in with yours.
1. “Brian’s Song”
2. “The Longest Yard” (the original)
3. “Knute Rockne: All American”
4. “Friday Night Lights”
5. “North Dallas Forty”
6. “Rudy”
7. “Heaven Can Wait”
8. “Radio”
9. “Remember the Titans”
10. “Paper Lion”
Others that deserve at least honorable mention.
Water Boy
The Replacements
& Somewhat of a stretch Forest Gump and Jerry McGuire
Comment by Bobby — August 26, 2006 @ 5:27 pm
I was just getting ready to write… “Thank God you didn’t include Water Boy.” when I read Bobby’s comment to add it. Ok Bobby. You need to raise the bar a bit. I think “Any Given Sunday” should be added but I love Al Pacino.
What a treat to get a movie review with the blog this week. I’m still going to get myself to the movie anyway unless you think it is wiser to wait for the video.
Comment by Kathleen — August 28, 2006 @ 3:49 pm
I would add “School Ties” to the list, and I agree with your “Invincible” review. It lacked the heart of other films like “Radio” and “Remember the Titans.”
Comment by Matt — August 28, 2006 @ 9:03 pm
I would include “The Program” on the list. And although the soundtrack for Varsity Blues is good, I’m glad you left it off the list.
Comment by Dan — September 2, 2006 @ 3:09 pm
Any Given Sunday
The Program
Varsity Blues
You left 3 of the top 4 out. Rudy is #1.
Comment by Ted — September 9, 2006 @ 7:12 pm
What was the made-for-ESPN movie with Tom Berenger from a couple years ago? I’ll look it up [google pause]…… ‘The Junction Boys’ w/Berenger as Bear Bryant. I vote for that as the worst. But there was one with Goldie Hawn that they shot at Lane Stadium (any Northsiders out there or is it all Hoosiers?)…. [another google search]…. ‘Wildcats’ : ‘Her dream was to coach high school football. Her nightmare was Central High.’
I’ve never seen this movie, but I always liked the poster:
http://www.impawards.com/1985/posters/just_one_of_the_guys.jpg
Comment by Steve — September 20, 2006 @ 1:25 pm