Super Bills
A brother named Bill Shakespeare once pondered monikers. A rose by any other name, the bard wrote, would smell just as sweet. In 40 years of Super Bowls, coaches with a particular first name have smelled more sweet success than any other named head. And though it was Super Bowl Sixteen before Sweet William Walsh first broke through, a Big Bad Bill has now led teams to nine victories, including three in a row and four of the last five. Of course a few of these Bills have doubled and tripled down. Walsh and Belichick have three each, the Big Tuna Parcels two, and now Cowher has his first.
“Who’s running second in Christian names?” you ask. It’s a three-way tie. Chuck, Tom, and Mike have four victories each. But that’s less than half of Bill’s take. Of course a coach named Knoll carried the Chuckies on his back, while Tom tag-teamed with victories from Landry and Flores, and it took three Mikes—Ditka, Holmgren, and Shanahan—to represent their given name.
Indeed, this select coaching fraternity can boast a variety of handles from every Tom, Dick, and Hank, but no Harry, and an assortment of other one-hit wonders named Barry, Brian, and Weeb. Did I say Weeb? Vince got it started with two. Two Dons combined for three. A lone Joe had three. Jimmy snagged two. Madden and Gruden gave us a pair of Johns, and you can mark George for two. But as the Marvelettes harmonized—in a tune written by William “Smokie” Robinson—“Don’t Mess With Bill.” At least not on most Super Sundays.
However, you may not want to get all Janet Jones Gretsky every time a Bill shows up in sideline headset in early February. Parcels and Cowher were Williams both conquered at the pre-Disney Dance, as was Oakland’s Bill Callahan. And as if any nickname can leave a worse taste in someone’s mouth, consider those losers of four straight Super Bowls—the Buffalo Bills.