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April 2016

Michael Steinberg on Creative Nonfiction

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Michael Steinberg on Creative Nonfiction

by William Meiners

For a first-time teacher like myself, about as calm and erudite as a young, professorial Jerry Lewis, it never hurts to bring a real expert into the classroom. When Michael Steinberg showed up to my creative writing class at the Saginaw Chippewa Tribal College in February I learned very quickly, alongside my students, what a great teacher Mike has been for about three decades. And a deep source of knowledge about the field of creative nonfiction.

Mike and Bob Root wrote the book on creative nonfiction. Well one very good one called Fourth Genre: Contemporary Writers of/on Creative Nonfiction that’s now in its sixth edition and used in college classrooms all over the country. We caught up at a bookstore in East Lansing last month to talk more on the subject. Then we kicked the following back and forth through emails.

William Meiners: You mentioned that your anthology, Fourth Genre, which you wrote and put together with Robert Root, and the same-titled journal that came out more or less at the same time. Could you talk about both the timing of the two, as well as your initial ideas for putting such a collection together?
Michael Steinberg: Both publications were, in some ways, coincidences. The anthology, which came out in 1998, grew out of a course pack of readings that Bob and I put together for our graduate classes. At the time, there were no anthologies that covered the genre’s spectrum — personal essay, memoir, literary/personal journalism, and personal/cultural criticism. Since it was a teaching text, we organized the course pack as a writer’s conversation on/about the genre. Part one contained a series of selected pieces that represented the four subgenres I just mentioned. In Part two, we chose essays on/about matters of genre and craft. In addition to craft essays that Bob and I, and a few other teacher/writers wrote, we found a handful of pieces written by some of the writers whose work appeared in Part one. That gave us the idea to add Part three. We chose four essays that our best students had written; and we asked them to write an accompanying commentary on/about how they wrote their pieces.
We taught and revised the course packs for two semesters before deciding to expand the first two parts by adding about a half dozen essays, memoirs, literary/personal journalism and pieces of personal/cultural criticism — by a variety or writers. We kept Part 3 intact. At a point, we found that we’d collected enough work to constitute a teaching anthology. We sent out a proposal to 22 publishers. A few trade houses liked the idea but couldn’t provide the permissions/acquisitions budget we needed. Allyn and Bacon, then a small textbook house that published books on/about teaching writing and literature, offered to publish it. And today, the anthology is in a sixth edition.

WM: And the journal?
MJS: The first issue of the journal, Fourth Genre: Explorations in Nonfiction, came out in 1999. It grew out of a conversation I had with an adult student in one of my graduate course in literary/creative nonfiction. She was an aspiring writer who’d never written personal essays or memoirs before. The readings and writing assignments, it seems, led her to believe that she could write with more ease and fluidity in this genre than she could in either fiction or poetry. Coincidentally, she happened to be the journals editor for the Michigan State University Press.
To make a long story short, she did some research and found that, at the time (1997), the only journal of literary/creative nonfiction was Lee Gutkind’s Creative Nonfiction (first published in 1995). As it turned out, The Michigan State University Press took on Fourth Genre. That was 17 years ago and today Creative Nonfiction, Fourth Genre (I‘m no longer the editor), and River Teeth (which first appeared in 1999, two months after we did) are still the three most prominent journals of literary/creative nonfiction in the field.

WM: I’ve read various articles about the genre. From Lee Gutkind getting the “Godfather of Creative Nonfiction” label to another on the thoughts about the “non” label, essentially calling something “not fiction.” It all reminded me about having read and been curious to learn more about In Cold Blood about 10 years back. And of course, I think two different movies about Capote were coming out around that time. But I read somewhere that he claimed to be writing a nonfiction novel, an oxymoron since a novel is defined as a work of fiction. Or maybe it’s getting into double or triple negatives. Nevertheless, does In Cold Blood come up much in the discussion of the genre? Or is it more linked to the writers/journalists who may have defined it a decade or so later?
MJS: There are a few different theories about this. Lee Gutkind (among others), for example, believes that the genre we’re now calling creative nonfiction, grew out of the New Journalism movement of the 60s; books of investigative reporting by writers such as Capote, Tom Wolfe, Hunter Thompson, and Gay Talese, among others. Critics called these books “nonfiction novels.” Which really means that the writers of these narratives were journalists who were using a novelist’s tools — plot, character, scene, dialogue, setting, etc. —nin order to make their “true stories” read more like plotted narratives. In time, the term “nonfiction novel” got replaced by works of what we’re today calling “literary/investigative journalism.” Some journalists and critics will argue that literary journalism is the earliest and purest form of creative nonfiction.

WM: I suppose all writing is some sort of “truth-telling,” if only to attempt to write a story, poem, or play that smacks of the truth. What drew you specifically to telling true stories?
MJS: Although in my personal essays and memoirs I do use research and reportage, I don’t write “true stories.” Let me explain that. I’m one of many personal essayist/memoirists that use our experiences, our lives, as raw material for finding out what fiction writers call discovering “what we didn’t know we knew.” I think this process of exploration and discovery, in other words, writing out of a sense of “not-knowing,” is closer to the ways in which writers of literary fiction and lyric poems create their works than it is to the ways in which investigative journalists approach their craft. Many of the debates/controversies on/about truth in nonfiction — especially those on literary memoir — generate from these two differing approaches. Yet, along with many others, I consider both to be works of literary/creative nonfiction. In fact, some of the best work I’m reading right now combines the personal with reportage and research.

WM: You told my creative writing class that creative nonfiction might feel a little more natural to you. I think all writing is probably difficult. What’s the most difficult thing about writing in the “fourth genre”? What are the links to fiction and poetry?
MJS: Yes, all writing is difficult, especially when it’s required, like a class assignment or a job related project. But, in my case, I write because I feel compelled to do it. For years, I tried to express my deepest feelings and confusions in fiction or poetry. But, over time, I found that I could be my best self as writer when I wrote personal essays and memoirs. In those forms, I feel less inadequacy and doubt — less hesitant and self-conscious. More spontaneous, I’d say. There are a couple of quotes to that effect that I’ve taped up above my writing desk — one from the novelist/essayist David Shields, and the other from novelist/journalist Pete Hamill. Shields says, “Find the form that releases your best intelligence. Find what you do exquisitely well and play it to the hilt.”
In describing the shift from writing news stories to feature columns, Hamill writes, “From the beginning, the form felt natural to me. I was like a musician who had found at last the instrument that was right for him.”
Hamill adds, “It freed me from an impossible objectivity…”
That freedom, that feeling of being in sync as a writer, parallels my own discovery, when, after decades of struggling to write fiction and poetry, I realized that writing personal essays and memoirs came more naturally to me than either of those forms did. It was the writing breakthrough I’d been struggling toward for much of my adult life.
As for links between literary nonfiction and fiction and poetry, I think there’s an important relationship, at least in my experience, between good literary nonfiction and good fiction and poetry — and I’ll also include drama in that mix as well. That’s because what’s most important, most necessary, in all forms of writing — literary, critical, and popular — is how skillfully the writer shapes/structures the work. And that always comes down to matters of genre and craft.
Whether the work is narrative or lyric, all literary writers possess similar tool kits. For myself, a personal essayist/memoirist, I’ve learned from good fiction writers how to use narrative and plot; and how to create three-dimensional, fully rounded characters, (in my case, mostly first person narrators), as well as how to craft dramatic scenes.
The heart of the playwright’s craft is dramatizing conflict through the use of dialogue and scene. Poets, especially those who write lyric poems, bring a freedom of imagination, an ear for rhythm and language, an eye for imagery, and a comfort and ease with metaphor. And, literary journalists and cultural critics, we’ve increasingly found, are often combining research and reportage with more personal presence, and in some cases, more intimate, voices.

WM: Your memoir, Still Pitching, has baseball as a central theme, though of course it’s about much more. Why did you decide to frame, or at least build it, around these memories of being a young pitcher? I love the title, which resonates in many ways. On the mound, ball in hand and every part of the game depends on what this player does. In what ways has that been a metaphor for living your life?
MJS: All memoir, I believe, is, in one way or another, about identity (and loss). In my case, the catalyst for writing Still Pitching was an impulse/urge to try to go back into the past in order to better understand how being a kid baseball pitcher led me to being a midlife writer and writing teacher. It’s all speculation, of course; but that question sent me back to my New York childhood and adolescence to see if I could discover who and what might have been the most influential forces that helped shape my adult self. Baseball turned out to be one of those influences. That inquiry and curiosity also allowed me to focus the memoir on those early, formative years.
I don’t think, that, in the writing I fully answered such a complex question. But, through a long, long process of drafting, revising, and rewriting, I was finally able to execute and to understand what Annie Dillard calls the process of “fashioning a text.” Which, in the end, is what all of us who write literary work are trying to do.
What you say about the title Still Pitching being a metaphor for living my life is something I never really thought about. But, since I do believe that persistence, tenacity, and determination are so important to becoming a writer — or, for that matter, to accomplishing anything else you’re proud of — the Still Pitching metaphor does have some truth to it.

WM: Having started a literary magazine about sports 21 years ago, I knew I wanted the focus to be on creative nonfiction. And in my mind, I thought maybe this is literature with a small “l.” After all, it’s about sports. But then an essay you shared with us, “Elegy for Ebbets,” was our first to get a nod in Best American Essays, in 2002. Some affirmation, for both of us, I suppose, that it’s not just about sports. What make writing about sports, beyond the daily coverage or “hot topic” sense, important as fodder for literature?
MJS: We both agree that there is a difference between sports writing and writing about sports. For the most part, sports are an arena I seem to be able to understand from the inside-out. In conversation, a colleague who, himself is an athlete, referred to this kind of sensibility as a “sports intelligence.” And so, in my writing, I often use sports as a lens; by which I mean, a way of seeing, a way of better understanding and utilizing the strategies, the tactics we need to know, in order to get ourselves through, or even to master ongoing personal problems and confusions. And these internal struggles are what all human beings have in common. Whatever I’m writing about sports, challenging relationships, family difficulties, serious health problems, personal losses — or anything else, really — I’m always hoping that readers (in my case, readers of memoir), can identify with the narrator’s (the “I’s”) internal struggles; that is, his fears and self-doubts — as well as his/her need to belong to something larger and/or to comprehend and overcome whatever human obstacles he/she might be facing.

WM: I hate whenever someone asks me who my favorite writer is. Probably because I think they’re going to judge me and then ask about 10 writers I’ve never heard of. No one really wants to interview me, but I’ve got this fear that someone might give me the Sarah Palin treatment and I’ll be shaking my head saying “I love all of it and read everything,” which I don’t. That said, who are your favorite writers? And why?
MJS: It’s a bit like writing; you don’t know what works or doesn’t work until after you see it on the page. And even then, recognizing whether it’s good or bad can take years, sometime even decades. Something that might have been a good choice years earlier, might today look like a poor fit. This kind of evolution and change also relates to the shifts in my reading preferences over the years.
Different authors have captivated my imagination at different times in my life. When I was growing up, for example, I loved reading Salinger and Twain, as well as Clair Bee’s popular novels about teenage sports heroes. Those writers created characters and situations, that, as a kid, I could identify with and understand. When I was a young adult, I admired and identified with F. Scott Fitzgerald’s characters — people, who like myself, came from a lower middle-class background and who entertained dreams of greatness and who aspired to a life of stature and privilege. When later on, when I became enamored of literary nonfiction, I cultivated an appreciation for writers like Patricia Hampl, Phillip Lopate, E.B. White, Vivian Gornick, and Scott Russell Sanders. The list goes on and on. And, like most readers, I love the writer(s) and books I’m reading right now; that is, until I read the next author and next book.

WM: Fourth Genre is a staple textbook in creative nonfiction classrooms, and you’re up to six editions. Can you talk about the various additions to the book and where you see the genre heading in the next five to 10 years?
MJS: In the mid to late 90s, when the genre first began to get some recognition as a legitimate literary form, the majority of work that appeared in the first few editions and issues of the anthology and the journal, were largely internal, linear narratives; and by that I mean, “Montaignian” personal essays. In addition, I saw a sprinkling of memoirs and some works of literary/investigative journalism and personal/cultural criticism.
The works I’m seeing in journals today, as well as the best writing that my MFA students are producing, often are experiments in form, voice, narrative persona, structure, and language. For example: short pieces of prose that use language and form in most unexpected ways; increasing numbers of essays and memoirs that combine personal narrative with analysis, research, and reportage; as well as works of literary journalism and personal/critical essays, where the narrator’s persona (by which I mean, the “I”) is sometimes at the center of the piece and sometimes not.
I’m also seeing more segmented and disjunctive essays, as well as an increase in lyric and lyrical essays, some of which take the kinds of imaginative and linguistic leaps that the best poetry does. In addition, there’s graphic nonfiction, as well as blogs, visual and video essays, and forms that combine different elements of media.

In short, this genre, like the contemporary visual arts, is, I believe, pushing at the boundaries that once separated the more traditional and experimental literary forms. And as a result, we’re seeing more existing hybrid, forms.

WM: You shared your story with me, and my class, about being a 20-plus year professor of English and writing courses, and then making a decision that you wanted to become a serious writer (in your 40s, I believe). And of course you’ve been successful as a writer over another 20-plus years. Was it as easy (and I know it’s not easy) as just making up your mind to do this? As a teacher of writing, what’s your best advice for anyone who wants to write stories about his or her life?
MJS: My decision to write grew out of an urgent midlife need to try to do something I’ve always dreamed of; that is, for decades, I’d yearned deeply to become a literary writer. When I was coming up, fiction, poetry, and in some circles, drama, were considered to be the only legitimate literary forms. I’m being kind to myself when I say that I was a less-than-skilled-writer in all of those genres. For as long as I can remember, my best, most compelling works were my personal essays and memoirs. I taught and wrote personal essays with my composition students for decades. Yet at the time, personal essays were considered to be the province of freshman composition. A deliberate slight, to be sure. And so, I resigned myself to the fact that I was never going to become known as even a workaday literary writer.
But life can be full of surprises. About five years before literary/creative nonfiction began to get some national attention, I had my first of what would be two cornea transplants. The surgery was a wake-up call — a first brush with mortality, if you will. My greatest fear was the possibility of losing my sight. At that point in time, I told myself that, even if I didn’t succeed, it was urgent for me to put as much focus, energy, and commitment into my writing as I could. Failure would have been devastating; but knowing my nature as I do, I don’t think I could have lived with myself had at least not tried. Plus, I knew, that time was running out.
Five years later, literary/creative nonfiction began to slowly enter the literary conversation. And today, it’s considered by many to be “the fourth genre.” Not fourth in terms of its stature; but fourth in that it’s inclusive of the other three.
So the very short answer to the first part of your question is that I became a writer through a combination of luck, circumstance, will, desperation, and readiness. As I’m fond of telling my MFA students, talent and a buck fifty (it used to be a quarter) will get you a phone call.
As for the advice I’d give to those who want to write stories about their lives, in addition to the David Shields and Pete Hamill quotes [above], I’ll offer two others, the first by Donald Hall, the next by William Stafford — both of whom, are, by the way, among our finest poets. Since I’ve talked a good deal about baseball and determination, I’ll cite Donald Hall’s advice first. *When Hall refers to “poems” or “poetry,” I’ve extended it to all four literary forms (see italics below).
I watch the old ones, the athletes without the talented young bodies. I watch the intense, concentrated pushing of the self past the self’s limits. It is like writing poems *{stories, essays, memoirs}, or it is what writing poems ought to be if you’re going to last as a poet; you have to bring everything to the poem that you have ever learned as to the painting if you are a painter, or to the swing of the bat if you are a hitter, and everything you ever do. You have to push up to the limit and past the limit.
Hall indicates here that what’s most important is that we bring, not just an “I”, but our fullest, wisest, most experienced (three dimensional) selves to the writing desk. And I also agree with William Stafford’s belief that, for many, many different reasons, we all too frequently talk ourselves out of writing.
Here’s what he has to say about that.

I believe that the so-called “writing block” is the product of some kind of disproportion between your standards and your performance… One should lower his standards until there is no felt threshold to go over in writing. It’s easy to write. You just shouldn’t have standards that inhibit you from writing.

And…

I can imagine a person beginning to feel that he’s not able to write up to that standard he imagines the world has set for him. But to me that’s surrealistic. The only standard I can rationally have is the standard I’m meeting right now….You should be more willing to forgive yourself. It doesn’t make any difference if you are good or bad today; the assessment of the product is something that happens after you’ve done it.

And to that I’ll add something that my colleague Mimi Schwartz often tells her nonfiction students, “You’re the only one,” Mimi says,  who can write your story.”

Michael Steinberg founded Fourth Genre: Explorations in Nonfiction in 1998. He’s written and co-authored five books and a stage play. Still Pitching won the 2003 ForeWord Magazine/Independent Press Memoir of the Year. An anthology, The Fourth Genre: Contemporary Writers Of/On Creative Nonfiction, with Robert Root, is now in a sixth edition. Currently, Steinberg is the nonfiction writer-in-residence in the Solstice/Pine Manor low residency College MFA program.

 

Why I Remain a Free Agent Fan

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Why I Remain a Free Agent Fan

by Robert Atwan

Given his numbers, Curt Flood probably doesn’t belong in Cooperstown, though I would gladly vote for his enshrinement. His persistent efforts to combat baseball’s reserve clause reached all the way to the Supreme Court and eventually resulted in free agency. Not only for the players, I should add, but for the likes of me. Thanks to Flood, I eventually became a free agent fan, unshackled at last from years of slavish loyalty to the New York Mets. I could now root for any team. If players could move about so could I. I could even — and I did — become a dreaded Yankee fan.

My Dad couldn’t believe I could root for the damn Yankees. How could I desert our beloved Mets? And the Yankees of all teams! But I did. Happily, as I applauded the impressive talents of Reggie Jackson, Ron Guidry, Catfish Hunter, Graig Nettles, and Goose Gossage. And I stayed with the Yanks until I moved to New England and — before you could say Johnny “Acts Like Judas” Damon — I transformed myself into a Red Sox fan. Did I find it hard to switch loyalties from one rival to another? Nah! Did Damon? Yet it never failed to amuse me that Bostonians imagined New York City as an urban rival. As a city, you can compare Boston to Cleveland or Nashville, but for Hub fans to think their city compares to New York is like comparing really big apples to dwarf oranges. Anyway, I grew tired of the Red Sox — not so much the ballclub but of their insular, hypersensitive, and often insufferable fans. So shortly after they won their first World Series since 1912 and I got to pose in front of the traveling trophy, I bailed on them and took up with the White Sox. I have plenty of Chicago friends, so it wasn’t hard to consider them a home team away from home.

But when I moved back to Manhattan a few years ago I returned to the Yankees, though they were so awful I switched back to the Mets when they made a run for the World Series last year. And then, when they reached the playoffs, I was so impressed by Kansas City’s style of play that I once again deserted the Mets and happily celebrated as my adroit Royals team won the World Championship in five games.  Go Royals! I continue to be a Royals fan. And I will until I’m not.

I’m the same way with football, hockey, basketball, and any other professional team sport I avidly follow. At one point I collected a complete set of hats with the logo of every NBA team and could walk out and declare myself a Timberwolves fan one day and maybe a Clippers another, though anything other than a Celtics cap could be dangerous in the Boston neighborhoods, where the very concept of a free agent fan is entirely unthinkable.

Being a free agent fan has added advantages. It not only frees you up from the insanity of “long-suffering” loyalty to teams and players who rarely return that loyalty (though I acknowledge exceptions like my fellow alumnus Craig Biggio) but also as a free agent fan I found myself free from another common insanity — the nutty partiality that mentally affects the typical diehard fan.

It’s perfectly fine to applaud your favorite stars and cheer when they produce a game-winning hit. It’s fine, too, to cheer and clap to get a rally going. But what sort of knucklehead of a fan feels he has to boo when the opposing pitcher throws to first to keep a runner close? What are those boos for? Delay of game? But these same fans don’t boo when their own pitcher throws to first also delaying the game. So what is the booing about? Does anyone know?

As a free agent fan I grew more enlightened about demented fan behavior. Why not cheer when the opposing pitcher throws to first? He’s risking an errant throw and it shows he’s nervous about your baserunner, and the cheering will clearly be for him, not the pitcher. I recall Dodger fans would cheer wildly when Jackie Robinson edged toward second base daring pitchers to throw, often taking off for second the moment they did. Here’s a tip for home team fans: Cheering your base runner will do more to discompose the visiting pitcher than your reflexive and dutiful booing.

Though I personally find it liberating, becoming a free agent fan isn’t for everyone. Some people are inherently masochists and enjoy their long-term suffering. They enjoy rooting for a dismal team and paying top-dollar to don the jerseys of multi-millionaire, media-pampered superstars who would desert them in a moment for even more money given the opportunity. Others hang on desperately to their teams because they once made it to the World Series or Super Bowl and as the immortal bard of baseball puts it, “hope springs eternal.” But I feel most sorry for those who religiously cling to teams with a blind allegiance based on little more than a region, a family history, or a superstar long lost to a rival franchise or to performance-enhancing drugs.

Some people cannot become free agent fans because they’ve been so focused on their one favorite team that they know little about other teams and their history. This is more true of baseball fans than others. For instance, if I decided next year to become a Cleveland fan I would naturally know their current roster. But I am also familiar with their past, at least from the 1950s on. I could sit down at a bar with an old-time Indian fan and talk about not only Vic Wertz, Jim Hegan, Early Wynn, Al Rosen, the great Bob Feller and Larry Doby (both of whom I’ve had the pleasure of meeting), but also throw in Luke Easter, Wally Westlake, and Dale Mitchell, a splendid hitter, who would be caught looking for the final out of Don Larsen’s perfect game as my beloved Dodgers lost to those damn Yanks in the 1956 World Series. I always agreed with Mitchell: that pitch was a ball. And, trust me, I didn’t need to look any of this up.

I should point out that a free agent fan is not identical — as some of you may think — to what’s known as a “fair-weather fan,” the sort of person who roots while his team is thriving but deserts it when it tanks. I have nothing against such fans, but their loyalties, though wavering, are really permanent, and they usually return to the fold immediately upon their team’s improvement. A free agent fan, however, isn’t dependent upon a team’s performance. I’ve often abandoned a winning team to support a losing one.

With the new baseball season underway, I like KC’s new spring cap with the well-deserved crown added to the lid. Maybe I’ll order one. But then again, maybe not. I could opt out and be a Cubbies fan. See, being a free agent fan can also save you a few bucks in gear.

Robert Atwan is the series editor of The Best American Essays, the highly acclaimed annual he launched in 1986. He has published on a wide variety of subjects, such as dreams and divination in ancient literature, early photography, Shakespeare, contemporary poetry, creative nonfiction and the cultural history of American advertising. His essays, criticism, reviews, literary humor and poetry have appeared in many periodicals nationwide.

Rules of Exception

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SL Essay

by Matt Enuco

Matt-Enuco-Sox“Hey, you could have a real job,” Alan Regier suggested from his pitcher’s mound pulpit. I sat in the crowd of minor leaguers at my first spring training with the Chicago White Sox. Regier’s lesson sounded hollow when I thought back to 30 games in 30 days in the previous season. By the end of that season I had lost 15 pounds, played through a pulled quadriceps muscle and suffered garden variety injuries on a daily basis. I’m not talking about 30 show and goes, or batting practice at 5 p.m. game at 7 p.m. I had the dubious honor of playing with true rookies. This meant report at 11:30 a.m., extra hitting at 12:30, weights at 1:30, orientation and stretch at 3, team defense at 3:45, batting practice at 4:30, find time for dinner at 5:30, starters stretch at 6:30, and play at 7. Rinse and repeat for 68 games in 75 days. Most of us did this in pursuit of a once in a lifetime dream and a slim chance of success. But, make no mistake; I earned every cent of that $1,050 dollar a month salary. I sat underneath a scorching Arizona sun at 6:30 in the morning and dismissed his pedantic words of wisdom.

Ozzie Guillen popped out from behind a fence when Regier finished and offered his words of encouragement. His energy was infectious. He bounced around to illustrate every concept he wanted to express. There wasn’t anything lost with Guillen. He was going to drill home the basic baseball mantra: play hard, respect the game, respect the organization, and never put your pants underneath your cleats. His passion fueled a dimming flame in me to play baseball. I was reminded that it was a gift to be here and they could find a thousand guys working in cube farms that would mortgage their future for the opportunity in front of us. Even still, it felt like work.

Two weeks later I was on a plane heading back to New Jersey.

As spring training report dates roll out and the players migrate to Florida and Arizona for a month, I’m reminded of how lucky I was to have been there. After I decided to end my baseball career I searched for a “real job.” It took me three years to land my second career as a teacher. The entire process was more emotionally grueling than any practice or game. And since being hired I have learned what it means to have a job and go to work.

For many of the athletes I met on my journey to professional baseball the skills came easy. At each level, from college to summer leagues and then professionally, the weaker athletes washed out. At the top rung of this ladder are the athletic phenoms. I met the 18-year-old slugger who deposits balls in the upper deck during batting practice, the million-dollar arm with a two-cent head, the first round pick from LSU and the 29-year-old career minor leaguer. Even though I was a 36th round draft pick, we could all share the experience of being exceptional. We were exceptional.

In college I often wondered what it was like to be a regular student. My teammates and I never knew what it was like to have two or three classes for the day, hammer out some homework and then have complete freedom in front of us. I had to plan a gym session in between class and prepare myself for a six-hour practice later that night. I complained about it then, but I would sell my soul for another shot.

The reality that we came to was that we were different from most people. The kind of person it takes to be a collegiate or professional athlete is different from your average Joe. We practice, tweak, and train. We scrutinize each part of the game ad nauseam. If you ever find yourself at a social gathering with guys who played college ball, they’ll break down a 2-1 change-up to the six hitter in the fifth inning of a three-run ball game. It seems insignificant, but to those guys it could have been the turning point in a season.

All of this cathartic drivel I’ve just given you is the sum of what I once was. I used to be exceptional, but now I’m just a regular guy. And that has been the hardest lesson for me to learn, and most importantly, accept. I’m not used to accepting mediocrity. I assess, revise, train, practice, and improve. For me, accepting mediocrity is the equivalent of accepting failure.

So, to my friends who are still playing, cherish every at bat and soak up every moment sitting in the dugout. Alan Regier was right; you could have a real job. Your exceptionality will run out, and probably sooner than you’re ready to admit. Only the exceptions to the exceptional get to choose when it’s over. Most of us are told when the magic well has dried up.


Matt Enuco was drafted by the Chicago White Sox in 2006 and spent one season in their minor league system. After leaving baseball, he earned a master’s degree in English and creative writing from the University of Pennsylvania. He now teaches writing at Wilmington University as an adjunct.

For Opening Day

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SL Essay

by Trapper Haskins

I was a Memphis kid with a Chicago hat. There was nowhere I went that summer that my blonde, unruly locks weren’t covered by the same blue wool and red embroidered “C” that my baseball heroes wore. I was seven years old, and as I sat looking out the window of a CTA train, or rather the “L,” an unfamiliar city passed by in an unrecognizable blur. Riding on rails was a foreign thing to me. The trains I knew carried coal, carried chemicals, but not people. My grandfather, a lifelong Northsider, sat next to me with a Cubs hat of his own — a floppy brimmed bucket hat adorned with buttons and sweat stained from a thousand innings under the sun before the lights brought night baseball to Wrigley.

wrigley-field

We rode the Purple Line from Linden Station stopping at Noyes and Dempster, the car getting increasingly full of revelers dressed in blue. At Howard we changed trains for the Red Line and continued toward the ballpark taking on fans at every stop until it seemed unimaginable that the train could hold any more. And yet it did. We passed graffiti-sprayed rooftops, the great and sprawling Graceland Cemetery, and came so frighteningly close to the buildings we passed that I was sure whoever laid the tracks had gotten their math wrong.

The hissing and clanging of the rails quieted, and as we rolled to a stop at the Addison platform Wrigley Field rose into view, the steel framework standing like a cathedral to summer. Or maybe futility. It was a hulking slab of Midwest Americana older than half the teams that visited there. The park had, until then, always seemed to me more a legend than an actual field. A haunted place.

The doors of the train slid open to a scene of roiling humanity below at street level, and the car cleared. Vendors of every type shouted for your dollar with T-shirts, peanuts, and tickets for sale.

Hats. And buttons. And pennants.

Grandpa bought a program and led me through the tangle of people, past the turnstiles, and up to our seats in the bleachers. At first sight I was awestruck by the enormity of the outfield. It was an impossibly broad expanse of green. There was no way only three fielders could cover it even if their names were Mumphrey, Martinez, and Dawson. We saw the Cubs play the Pirates that day. I don’t know who won. It doesn’t matter now. Grandpa taught me how to keep score that afternoon by recording the details in baseball shorthand — a “6-3” ground-out, the backwards “K” for a called third strike, and the penciled in diamonds denoting runs scored. By the bottom of the ninth inning there was the whole game written out like some cryptograph, a coded language for the faithful.

My father taught me to play the game of baseball. My grandfather taught me to love it — its cadence and choreography, its geometry and grace.

In 2003 after their playoff collapse just five outs shy of the World Series I asked my grandfather if he was disappointed, if he was grieved that yet again the luckless Cubs had let redemption slip away.

“No,” he said, “this is the way of things.” Then he added, “Just wait ‘til next year.”

It is a game of small victories where failing as a batter less than 70 percent of the time is a benchmark of success. You learn to make peace with your losses.

My grandfather died the following May at the age of 92. The Cubs were two games out of first. Born in Chicago in 1911, he never saw them win it all. So, when I flew back to Chicago for his funeral I went to the only place I could to be near him. I rode the Purple Line to Howard and changed trains to the Red. I passed the graffitied rooftops and Graceland Cemetery where he would be buried the following day only half a mile from his beloved ballpark. The doors slid open, and I walked down from the platform at Addison and through the tumult and the clamor of wandering hordes and vendors hawking wares.

Hats. And buttons. And pennants.

And there on the corner of Clark and Addison I bought a scalper’s ticket — Section 229, Row 11. Sitting halfway up on the first base side I looked out over that green lawn toward the ivy and the bleachers. Surely someone in those outfield seats was there for the first time, maybe with their own grandfather. I kept score the way mine had shown me one hazy and distant afternoon. We lost. The players’ names were different, but the teams, the game, and the field — that hallowed field — ever the same.

I don’t know my grandfather’s birthday. I’ve never asked. But for me Opening Day is a more fitting time to honor him anyhow. Because we have waited. Because this is next year. And because the promise of October belongs as much to us as anyone.


Trapper Haskins is a writer, musician, and long-suffering Cubs fan. His writing has appeared in WoodenBoat Magazine and American Songwriter. He lives in Franklin, Tennessee, where he plays vintage (1860s rules) baseball.